Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Man Who, gleaned from Francis Healy of Travis

People ask me "who are you?"
I am me or me am I
Even after I reply
"The man who."
"The man who what?"
"Who What? Just who."
"I'd rather leave that up to you."
"oh," they say and walk away.
People ask "Then who am I?"
"How should I know?" I reply
"You are you" I suppose
"but could be him or them or those."
"Or just me wearing different clothes"
"Oh," they say and walk on by.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


1) Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

2) If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to
the core of the earth?

3) Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4) Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your bottom?

5) Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?

6) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7) Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

8) Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?

9) Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

10) Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

11) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

12) What do people in China call their good quality plates?

13) Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

14) What do you call male ballerinas?

15) Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

16) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

17) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Sunday, March 29, 2009

What A Shock

My wife came home for lunch today and promptly asked if I would like to move. Huh? It seems a friend of hers owns a house that will become available to rent soon. After the initial 'deer caught in headlights' stare, I thought about it, and it sounds like a much better situation than we're in, now.

We live in half a duplex in the suburbs and pay an obscene monthly rent (obscene to me, anyhow, considering I'm currently without job). Renting the house would save us a good chunk of cash, and I might even see if a 'rent-to-own situation' could be worked out. Also, duplex living has gotten old. We usually have nice enough neighbors, but they tend to be a group of four or five young adults splitting the rent who have a love of loud music and beer. I've had to ask them several times to keep it down so I could get some sleep (this was usually during the week day when I was gainfully employed). I really don't believe I should have to drag my tired ass out of bed, put on shoes and a coat and go out in my jammies to ask for common courtesy. That's not was society is all about.

We'll take a drive this evening to look at the house. Maybe it's time for a change.

Thursday, March 5, 2009